We all know how hard it can be to pull at a bar. People are having fun with their friends, they're busy, they're drunk as skunks - there are several variables at play that can make your night a bust.
Now, I'm not the kind of person who normally runs around telling cheesy pick-up lines, but let's state the facts: if you're lonely and want to impress a sexy stranger at a bar, the only way to do it is by being more entertaining than whoever they're currently with.
When there's a will there's a way! I put together some of my favorite, hilarious pick-up lines that are sure to impress whoever you're trying to mack on. You just need to make sure your timing is right.
So here are 10 situations you could possibly be facing and which pick-up line to use.
If you're wearing gloves or mittens
— Thank God I'm wearing gloves/mittens. (Pause, wait for them to ask "Why?".)
— Because you're way too hot to handle right now.
This one works best it's cold outside, because you need a non-creepy reason to be wearing gloves or mittens. Or if you're at someone's home, and they're using the oven or barbecue, pull on a pair of oven mits. I realize hitting on someone with mittens or gloves on doesn't happen often, but it's worth it.
If you're a cop or law enforcement officer
— Excuse me, I'm a cop (show the badge) and I'm going to have to suspend your license. (Pause, wait for them to ask "Why?" or say "What are you talk about?"
— Because you're driving me crazy, that's why!
This one could also work if you're not a cop, but it's cooler when you are because a) you have credibility and b) you can flash a badge as an added bonus. This one also works if you're a stripper cop or if it's Halloween.
If you wear glasses
— Baby (optional), If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print.
This one is fun because it requires some acting as well. The glasses are basically a prop so you could do this with your own or with fake ones you choose to bring with you, either is fine. Now, when you're ready to say the line, all you have to do is pull off the glasses, look them up and down and then say it (in a suggestive manner).
If you're an American abroad
— On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you right now?
The charm of this one doesn't really work in your favor if you're not an American travelling to a different country. Bonus points if you're wearing some kind of patriotic gear. If you're feeling cheeky, you can substitute the 1 for "North Korea".
If none of these situations apply and you're feeling daring
— If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Yay, liquid courage!
Disclaimer: this one could end up with a drink in your face, I'm not going to lie. There's a 50/50 chance they'll get offended, but they also could find it hilarious so... Some situations are worth that kind of risk and others require a good 6 or 7 beers before you're ready to take it (also, this one is moot if they're wearing this shirt).
If they're drunk
— What do I have to do to get on your drunk dial list?
I mean, I guess anything works when they're drunk, but this one makes things a little more fun.
If you're sitting down next to each other
— I'm not really this tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet.
This one is kind of self-explanatory.
If the bar is particularly crowded
— Wait, don't tell me if you want to go out - just smile for yes and do a backflip for no.
It's kind of overkill because you could use this one pretty much anywhere, but it makes it funnier if the bar is really crowded and it brings down that really odd chance the person can do a backflip down to zero.
If you're the bartender
— Excuse me, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave. You're so hot, you're making everyone uncomfortable.
Use this one with caution (you're an employee, after all), but this line assumes you have some kind of authority. You could fake it, but it all just depends on how comfortable you are being a liar.
Well, should you choose to try any of these epic pick-up lines, fair warning: I cannot be help responsible for the consequences. Unless it ends up with sex, then I'm 100% the person you should be thanking.